And the award for best blogging in a supporting role goes to...
So I've been thinking about stuff I would've rather done as a job had I the time, ambition, money, what have you. I came up with a few things, and you, gentle readers, are fortuitous enough to read about my pipe dreams. Encourage my frivolity and absent-minded ponderings!
Character Actor: While I'm sure you're all thinking "But Hooper, you have the charm, the suave, nay, the raw animal magnetism required to be a leading man!", in reality, that's just not my cup of tea. I think it'd be great to play the confidence man, or the sketchy friend, or the loveable but ill-fated sidekick. To me, those roles can be interpreted and explored so much more than most leading roles can. In fact, in my opinion, 90 percent of the time it's character actors that make a show or movie great.
Stay-At-Home Dad: Now, admittedly, this one came out of left-field, but the more I think about it, I really wish I weren't so frightfully afraid of committment, because this just screams awesome to me. Being able to set my own schedule, work at my own pace, be responsible for something that actually matters and to be able to be in a support role for someone else - heck yeah. Actually, I guess it's a lot like my desire to be a character actor. I dig the support roles. Go me, I'm a team player. Except when it comes to food. I don't like sharing food. At any rate, the ship has pretty much sailed on this one, unless one of you lovely ladies feels like being my sugar-mama. For the record, I make a mean omelette, and I like giving foot massages. Just saying.
Stay-At-Home Rockstar: Someone front me $50,000, and I'll make a record at home. That would be great. I could like, web-cam tour. Concerts would take place in my bedroom, and be broadcast via satellite to several jumbo-trons at once, in various high-profile stadiums around the world. Clearly, the best idea ever. Let's build this global city on rock and roll.
Soccer-Mom: Purely for the shock value and the minivan.
Dragon-slayer: Not that many dragons around anymore, from what I gather. Meh, whatever, as long as I get to wield a sword, I'd lower myself to slaying things like rogue giraffes and tax attorneys.
Wheelman: Purely for the shock value and the minivan. And the driving gloves.
Missionary: I'll probably end up doing this one someday, whenever my stuff gets together. Don't ask what that means, that's a large can of worms. Suffice to say I can't get it out of my head, which probably is a good indication that I'm being prepped for it, or else I can't think of anything better.
Honorable mentions: Pirate, Restaurant Critic, Movie Critic, Ninja, Bounty Hunter, Caretaker, Video-game beta-tester, Pirate-ninja.
Comment, Rebutt, Contribute! Humor me with your dream jobs! What would YOU do for shock value and a minivan?
posted by Hooper @ 3:15 p.m.
14 Comments:
what about video-game ninja...you know, the guy they put all the little camera sensor thingys all over for motion capture stuff, for games like ninja gaiden or something like that. that way you get the illusion of really being a ninja...
While I enjoyed all of your ideas I have to tell you that the notion that as a stay at home dad you would get to set your own schedule and work at your own pace it retarded. Trust me, it's a purely reactionary occupation.
Granted, AJ - I guess I meant more of a "stuff that has to be done", i.e. cleaning and cooking and what have you, that can be fit in AROUND other things. There's versatility, maybe that's what I should've said.
Also, if I implied that I thought that job would be easy, I was misread - it's long been my impression that "homemaker", as it were, is one of the toughest, least heralded, and most important jobs out there. Plus, if TV has taught me anything, it's that you get to occasionally sit around eating bon-bons and watching your stories.
Whoops, forgot to add, Meeks, that is an AWESOME idea! Actually, motion-capture guy in general would be cool, though I'm not sure I'd wanna be the guy who had to work on "Barbie's Horse Adventures".
Ninjas are scary. Pirates are scarier. Soccar moms are scariest. If you want to invoke fear into the hearts of everyone you meet, than the above vocations would be a good choice for you. But, you don’t.***
Geoff, I think you could also be the next (or better than) Garrison Keillor: wit, sarcasm, ideals, grammAr, vocabulary, imagination. You have it all. You provoke many laughs. AJ is on to something-- you can write! (An excellent home-based vocation too...)
Re: Dragon-slaying: hey, you copy cat! That's MY dream job. Read the folklore: you have to be a woman to mortally slay a dragon ;)
Re: Web-cam Rockstar. LOL!
Re: Missionary: I'd rather take a boat ride with the ferryman on the river Styx before I had to raise financial support. The missionary’s life is extra difficult--a can of worms indeed.
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***Or DO you? ;)
I'm going to marry a soccer mom. Purely for the shock value and you get to drive a mini van.
On the upside of the dad thing Hoop you do excel at not sleeping at night and that is a definitely a valuable part of any parent's sleep set in the first 3-6 months. I think Jo has a good point with the Keillor thing. You could do a younger and more cynical version of his shoe easy.
I always thought it would be great to have a job where I just dream up creative ideas and let someone else do the hard work of actually implementing them. Seriously, I'm full of big ideas but lack the ambition. I get the impression that you're the same. If you can find a way for us to make money dreaming but not doing, let me know.
On the missions thing: come join me in Japan. It would be fun. We could go watch Sumo together and pick up geisha girls. And start a mean J-rock band. Yeah.
Seriously though, get "your stuff together" and just do something Jesusy.
I think you missed one important job opening...Ninja Caretaker. Let me break it down for you.
Ninjas get old, all be it they age alot better then we do, they still at some point will need special care. You are the man for the job Geoff. Think about it, they could teach you their ways and you can play with their Ninja Stars when they are having nap time. They'll never have to know.
Ninja's and Pirate's are both pretty cool, but the problem is it involves alot of training and in the case of the pirate a ship...and who really has time for all that effort.
I really like the dragon slayer idea, because honestly you don't see many of them around...which means you could own the market on this. And to make it even better you could breed dragons...and them set them loose so that people will need to hire you. Of course you probablly will want to give them a special weakness that only you know about...cause I hear slaying dragons can be REALLY tough.
What about a Hippy? They don't get minivans, but they do get vans and they do have shock value. Plus they set their owns schedules and play by nobodys rules but their own...they don't even play by their own rules.
Rainman
Why slay dragons when you can slay Collosi? Heck, some of them could even pose as Dragons. I bet taking down a 500 foot tall giant with nothing but a sword, bow and climbing skills would be way more satisfying.
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