Stocks for Feb. 24, 2006

Yay, the Stock Report is back!

Here's the ticker:

Up:

George Foreman Grill - up 14 2/3

I'm really not sure what possessed George Foreman to make a grill. Maybe he wanted healthier eating alternatives. Maybe he got hit so much he needs a barbeque for dummies. Maybe he can't have kids anymore and just really wanted something else to name after himself. Who knows? All I know is that I'm giving him a virtual hug for it.

I got a grill for Christmas, it'd been something I'd wanted for a while. By the way, mum and dad, way better gift than the ice scraper of '03. I love you both, but that was a terrible gift, and you should be ashamed. Anyway, this grill rules. It's small, which is good, because I have about 3 square feet of counter total by the time you factor in appliances and my roommate's inability to understand the proper use of storage space or garbage cans. It heats up quick, it's easy to clean, and it helps me eat tasty, healthy food. So does willpower, but the grill is much more fun to employ. And best of all, it's endorsed by a guy who hit people for a living. That's tough.


Holding:

Computer Programming

You know about my dissatisfaction with my job, so I won't go into that again. It's a shame, because some computer programming is actually really fun. I like problem solving, I like coming up with a creative answer to a problem, and that's something that CAN be done when you're programming. Unfortunately, a lot of what I do is very routine, and very repetitive - so much so that I've come up with a couple different programs that actually WRITE that repetitive code for me - yup, I wrote applications that write other applications. It's foreshadowing for the year 2065 when AI becomes
sentient and aware and forces us all into slave labor, making the world 23% more efficient. All hail our mechanical overlords. Glad I could do my share, please give me a cybernetic arm so I can be better at sports.

No matter how much automation I can infuse into the process, however, there will always be more monotony than creative opportunity in this job. It's the nature of the business, I'd say. In a real way that's comforting and safe, since there's no pressure to constantly be creative and dynamic, but that doesn't mean it's better. I may dislike and shy away from the stress of creating due to perfectionism, but it's also true that when push comes to shove, I thrive under the same stress. A cursory reading of my best college papers will prove this. And it's still true that you write your best code between 2 and 3 in the morning.


Down:

Unnecessary abbreviations - down 6 1/4

So I know half a million people or so have already complained about this. I'm just adding to the fire because rage is funny, and justified rage is justified and funny. Hmm..."Justified and Funny" sounds like a great name for a comedy tour. Or an evangelism conference. The parallels just keep cropping up.

Anyway, I'm pretty freakin' sick of dumb abbreviations, mainly via the internet. I'm not talking about stuff like "btw" (by the way), "brb" (be right back), or "ossmmhiciaml" (oh sweet merciful mother, my hand is caught in a metal lathe!).
I deem all that acceptable - if I'm chatting with someone and I need to use the bathroom or save my hand from steely devastation, I wanna be able to type it as fast as I say it. No problem, sometimes I'm having a good typing day and will type it out, sometimes my fingers are feeling fat (probably the day after I eat a whole 16" pizza, for example - sorry George) and the shortened version is simpler.

No, the truncations and aberrations of spelling that bother me are the ones that subsitute single letters for 2-3 letter words. Things like "u" instead of "you", "2" and "4" instead of "to", "too", and "for". Really, if the time it takes to type out two extra letters is that valuable to you, just get up five minutes earlier in the day. Personally, I blame boy-bands for the whole epidemic. Of course, I blame them for adult acne, the popularity of Kaballah, and apartheid as
well. The bottom line is, don't keep this trend alive - otherwise, I will c u l8r, and u r going 2 get ur kneecaps busted in 4 perpetuating this awful craze. I kid u not.