No title will do this justice

Hey all,

It's come to my attention that I suck at regular blogging. Mostly because I knew that would be the case a couple months ago when I started this thing, but it's been proven true with time. Yada yada, blah blah, I'll post as I come up with stuff, I guess.

One of the main reasons I've been less than fruitful with posts is because I've been through a bit of a crisis of...everything, lately, and the resultant stress and anxiety left me the ability to do little more than wash myself and remember to perform life-affirming rituals like "eat" and "sleep". Ask me personally sometime if you see me, and I'll give the story with varying degrees of detail, depending on how much I like and/or trust you. Suffice to say, I now find myself thinking "Yeah, it's probably about time (and by that I mean it's about 5 years later than it should be) that I stopped being an idling, complacent, self-serving jackass and decide whether or not God is gonna rule my life."

So I've decided to not do the stupid thing and now I find myself with no clue other than to open myself up to Him how to relearn, or even learn, how to trust Him with everything. By the way, while I will accept advice here, I'm not explicitly looking for it. I hate to play the Bible College card, because I know there's still plenty to learn, but having gone there for four years, I feel I at least have a handle on the gist of theology. What I mean is that I've not been the most successful at staying faithful and steady when I AM walking with Him, and since I haven't been walking with Him for about 4 years now, the rust and inner demons have somewhat piled up.

Fortunately, I seem to have been graced at this time by an undeserved amount of dediciation to trying. All of you who are more disciplined and wiser than I should fully prepare for taxing question and answer periods. I will attempt to provide refreshments on the veranda immediately following. I may ask you to provide the veranda.

Long story short, I am humbled and broken, I'm willing to open myself up and I'm hoping for faith and belief beyond what I feel I can exercise, because doing this on ye olde "own strength" doesn't seem like an option. Thought some of you might like to know that, since you apparently love me for irrational and heartwarming (seriously) reasons and refuse to give up on me, even if you would occasionally like to beat me with blunt stuff all too often for being silly.

So there that is.